Have you ever had a natural instinct to walk away from a bad situation, or jump on a great opportunity, but you remain stagnant because you're fearful of the unknown? Sometimes our gut, or inner voice, sends us loud signals to venture forth on a path than we expect or hope for. It can be as valuable as Pinocchio's "Jiminy Cricket" and usually won't lead you astray if you really listen to what it's trying to tell you and realize that you gut is letting you know how a given situation may be in your best interest, even if you cannot understand why in the moment, or may tell you to leave a bad event, even if you want to stay.
Listen to your gut... see what it has to tell you... it's a stronger force than you might believe.
You know the 3 top issues that couples tend to fight the most about (not in any particular order): children, sex, and money. These 3 topics tend to trigger the most tension because people have such deep connections & beliefs about them; however, they are still an important part of a relationship and it's important such topics aren't avoided.
So how can you minimize such conflicts? Begin talking about them BEFORE it becomes an issue. Talk about the value of money (how you like to save/spend/etc.), how you want to raise the children, likes & dislikes in the bedroom as soon as possible! Don't wait until you find yourselves confronted with the issue. If you're dating and see your relationship going towards a serious path, discuss these issues NOW. If you're already married, continue such discussions as they come up for either one of you.
Having ongoing discussions about your expectations will help you understand your partner and yourself better in relating to one another & enhance your relationship.
This week, I saw a lot of couples who believed, "If you want me to do 'XYZ', then you should do 'ABC' for me." When their partner didn't respond as they expected, they admitted to withholding the behavior/effort they initially put forth. In a relationship, this can result in a reduction in the positive feelings and connections you want to have with your partner. Your partner may not be responding in kind not out of malice nor intent, but out of tiredness, stress, or plain forgetfulness.
If you're basing positive connections on contingencies (like sex, a date night, or the like), then think about this: not only are you "punishing" your partner for not reciprocating, but you're denying yourself the activities you enjoy spending with your partner. While your connection may be "off," you are causing further distance and damage. Instead of contingencies, talk to your partner about your concerns about your efforts and the responses you're getting vs. the responses you'd like to see. Listen to your partner's responses and see if there's ways for the 2 of you to grow closer, rather than putting up obstacles that will cause you to grow further apart.
